Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize