the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
