but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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