Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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