was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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