3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
