He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Randomize
