Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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