The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Randomize
