Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I love you. Go after that dick
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize
