Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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