you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
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