Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
your room smells of hookers.
And success
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I just googled if crying burns calories
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Randomize
