Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Randomize
