I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
