yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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