My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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