I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
So much rum. So many feels.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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