I wish my penis had an off switch
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
