And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
