I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
