hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Randomize
