Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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