Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
