Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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