They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize
