Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
