let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
