fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
