Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Randomize
