I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
