I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
