im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
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