watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
