Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
