So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
