oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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