I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
