There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
He did a backflip because drugs
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
