nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
