this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
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By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
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I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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