They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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