Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
