that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Randomize
