Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
