sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
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