I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
