Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
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