just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
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