I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
