I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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