South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Randomize
