another moral hangover. fuck.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
