East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Randomize
