covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
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