Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
