i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
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