Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
