we have officially lost it.
Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Randomize
