I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
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