My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
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