OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
