Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Randomize
