I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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