just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
