Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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