drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
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