Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
