Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize