I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
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