Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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