I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
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