Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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