operation harelip BJ is a go
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
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