It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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