i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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