Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I wish there were birth control emojis
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
